Two years ago this week my Dad was in the ICU recovering from brain surgery.  Today he babysat Colt and Molly while I went for a jog.  Just re-reading those two sentences bring tears to my eyes. 

Here's what I've learned over the last two years...

1.  Listen to your body.  Trust your instincts. 

2.  If you get hurt on the job, don't expect Workers Comp to take care of you. LOL.

3.  Never lose your sense of humor...even on the crappiest of days.

4.  Don't pay your lawyer upfront...he'll get lazy. True story.

5.  When you don't have the money for the doctors bills, God will work it out.

6.  Silly putty is skin tone and is good for filling in drill holes in your skull.

7.  When you're down and out, look up.

8.  Accept charity when hands are extended.

9.  When you can't remember something, blame it on your subdural hematoma.

10.  Never hang up the phone without saying, 'I love you'.

11.  Make sure you actually LOVE the person you're saying 'I love you' to in #10. Ha!

12.  Be thankful for all the things you do have instead of the things you don't.

13.  Slow down.

14.  Money will not change things that really matter.

Dad is doing great and I'm so thankful to God. 

Every single day we talk about the injury because my parents are in the middle of a lawsuit again workers comp.  Two years later and we're still fighting for him to get paid for the year he was off work because of his on the job injury.  It's a confusing mess but what it comes down to is we have hope that justice will be served.  We're not promised that life will be easy.  It's not easy, by any means, but it is always good.

We're still thankful Lord!

it's happening again...

The last few Christmases a change always seems to happen to me.  It hard to describe but it's something supernatural.  It's like the moments that I'm supposed to pay attention to the most and learn something from go into slow motion and I'm in awe of my maker. 

This last weekend at church in closing prayer my pastor prayed and in one sentence summed it up...We're learning that your love is greater than we previously imagined.

I really think that's what it is.  I don't know why it's taken me 25 years to get here but everyday God's love is greater than I previously imagined.  It's amazing.  It's overwhelming.  It IS Christmas.

so much to say!

Ya know how I was gonna blog during nap time...eh, ya that didn't happen. So here I sit absolutely forcing myself to not do the other 20 things I should probably be doing and blog instead. How does that happen? No matter what, there is always something I should be doing. But for now I'm going to blog and stare at the toys that need picked up, the clean clothes in the basket that need folded and put away, the dishes in the sink and the list goes on. Seriously driving me a little crazy looking at this mess but oh well. Ok, I'm done.

Now I'm going to vomit my thoughts and try to make it to bed in 30 minutes :)

• debt. As of December 1st 2010 we are debt free! We said goodbye to the payments for a Ford, a Honda, a Jeep and a furnace totally to $33,000 dollars which we paid off in 2.5 years.  That included a few road bumps along the way too...1) Colt 2) I quit my full time job & my part time job to stay home and 3) Molly. Not that they are road bumps in our life just things that set us back a tad financially. We are really proud of ourselves. I love that we honored the money that God put into our life and I pray that from it we're able to live a financially easy life and give generously as we go. It feels realllly cool and I must say I think I've fallen more in love with my Andy on this journey. It's been hard, we had to pinch penny's and skip out on fun times and vacations but it's over with now and we're better for it. The one thing I heard Dave Ramsey say that stuck with me was, Adults devise a plan and see it through. Children do what feels good. That really put things in perspective and helped me stay focused. If you want to know how we made it happen go here and do this. You won't regret it!
• rollin' rollin'. Molly finally started to roll. At her 6 month appointment she was still totally content just laying there. She finally started to roll but not without help from Colt. Whenever he saw me lay the blanket on the living room floor he would say MOLLY? Roll??...I'd lay her down and he'd grab her shirt and pull/push her until she flipped over :) Such a helper. I feel like she will be a tad slower in all the physical milestones. She just wants to sit on the floor play with a Dolly or a toy and jibberjabber :)
• the grinch. I've watched this movie a dillion times in the last 3 weeks. I say every time how perfect this character is for Jim Carey to play and I'm in awe of what an amazing actor he is. This also is a hilarious movie. Every time I watch it I find something else in it that is hilarious. I also love the moral of the story. I love Max the dog. I love when Cindy Lou Who sings Where Are You Christmas in her room before bed that one night and hits that high note at the very end...she's just so sweet.  I want to be a Who.
• ibs. I figured we'd close the book on my whole intestinal/stomach ache/poop problems. After all those tests and everything I went through the doctors told me I have IBS. I feel like I could have figured that out. I've cut the majority of wheat out of my diet and it does help. I haven't had a stomach ache in months which is amazing. Now, when I cheat with wheat and eat it I vomit  and have terrible diarrhea instead. haha! Not all the time, just sometimes. Whatever. TMI. Anyways. Let's just say Lord help me when I'm 80 and naturally start to loose control of my bms. AND I just took it another step farter...I mean farther. I mean, POOP!
• 11:10pm I was supposed to go to bed ten minutes ago.
• snow. snow. snow. It's been snowing like crazy here and I for one, flipping love it. The more snow the merrier. It's beautiful. It's quiet. It bring a peace to my soul. You can hit someone in the face with it if you're mad...and you can eat it if you're hungry. It's amazing. Colt, Andy and Copper think so too...
• baby jesus. Christmas morning is almost here and I'm going to make a birthday cake for baby Jesus. Andy thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I won't ALWAYS make baby Jesus a birthday cake but it will help my 2 year old get the reason this day is so special...and WHO doesn't like cake??? [besides my irritable bowl.]

I'm glad I got that off my chest :)

i've got a lot to say

I'm playing catch up on...

• my guts.  I had my colonoscopy a few weeks ago and an ultra sound right after that.  Both came back clear and healthy lookin.  It's good I'm healthy lookin, but it's also pretty frustrating that we still had no answers.  After my colonoscopy I decided to cut wheat out of my diet just to see what would happen, I had already had blood tests showing that I did not have siliac disease but I thought what the heck, I'll give it a try.  Magically all my pain went away and it was amazing.  I did miss my toast and the occasional goldfish cracker I would snatch from Colt's lunch but I survived.  After about 2 weeks of feeling good my stomach aches came back with a vengeance. I am still staying away from wheat until I meet next Thursday with a GI doctor.  I'll probably need an upper GI.  Weee!
• my disappearing fatness.  Andy and I have about 1 week left in our weight loss competition for this month.  I'm pleased to say that I have 1 pound to go!  I'm just going to go ahead and say how much I had to loose this month to win because I honestly don't mind sharing and hopefully someone will get inspired or something...but will have lost 9lbs this month.  That's a lot of weight!  My total will be 28lbs since June.  I can feel that $100 burning a hole in my pocket as we speak.  I saw a really cute jacket at Target that has my name written all over it.  I love that I haven't even won yet I've found a way to mentally spend all my winnings.
• funny disappearing fatness timing.  Two days before our weigh in we're having a big tailgate for the ND game.  Food, Drinks and more FOOD!  The day after that is Halloween.  Candy, Chocolate and more CANDY!  Will power don't fail my now!  I've been thinking about my strategy and I might wear my retainers to stop the likeliness of food entering my mouth...on the other hand the likeliness of something calling me a dork goes up dramatically with this idea.
• andy.
• On Wednesday Andy reports to the ambulance as a paramedic.  Today was his last day on the fire truck.  I'm proud of his hard work and excited for his raise.
• Andy is also getting skinny.  His pants are ridiculously big and he needs a new belt because he no longer has enough notches to keep them up.  It looks like he has old man pleats in his camo shorts they're so big.  I would never have done well this year if it weren't for his support.  He's really awesome.
• money.  We've been patting ourselves on the back lately.  This month, with Andy's over time and our diligence to keep living on a tight budget we were able to put an extra $750 on our car payment for this month.  Again,  I'm sharing this to brag on ourselves but more importantly to encourage people to do the same.  It's possible!  Only $1,000 more and we will owe NO. ONE. ANYTHING.  Totally debt free!  We owed about $12,000 a year ago and it's almost over with.  I see myself jumping on the bed throwing dollar bills in air already.  Who knows, maybe one day we'll even go on a vacation.  Just one step closer to our life goal of being skinny and rich.  :)  I kid.
• one of my favorite times of the day.  I love when my family is all tucked away for the night and I lay my head on the pillow and start to pray.  I so enjoy reflecting on my day with God.  I thank God for pairing me with Andy.  I ask for wisdom on how to be a better mom.  I pray for my friends.  I thank God that Molly hasn't started crying even though I know she spit her paci out a few minutes ago.  The good, bad and ugly...I absolutely love my life.  I could cry just thinking about the thankfulness and love that I have for my maker.  I'm what they call a happy human.
• molly haab.
• She turned 6 months last week.   I swear she tripled in size last month.  We got to her doctor appointment this week.  I'm excited to see how big she's gotten. 
• She still isn't rolling but she's close to sitting by herself. 
• We started giving her food this week too.  She likes bananas. 
• She is still really chatty.  She's always squealing and complaining about how her socks never stay on.  She's my angel baby.  And really, she is just that.
• colt. 
• Little boy has been referred to as a 5 year old on more than a few occasions this week.  When you see my "5 year old" throwing a tantrum it's because he's 2.  He only looks 5. 
• He is starting to talk a lot more.  He finishes the last word of every sentence in his prayers [peyss] at night and says 'pounds' when I ask him how much he weighs after he stands on our bathroom scale.  He's cute.
• Today he helped me clean the house and played with Copper for hours on end.  At one point I looked up and found Copper wrapped up in all his blankies and he was laying next to her on her dog bed. 
• hunting.  I'm going hunting with Andy on Monday morning.  I've never been hunting so I thought it would be fun to join.  I'm gonna shoot the BIG BUCK.  Not really, I'll be reading my book club book that I haven't even started yet but my hope is that I'll be there with him when he shoots the big one.  I really just want to spend some time with him doing what he loves to do.  I'm going to take some noisy snacks.

Now we're all caught up and I can sleep good tonight.

choose love

I've been holding on to my babies a little tighter this week. I know it stems from the loss of the little girl, Ava that I blogged about earlier this week. When someone you know leaves this earth at a such a young age you want to ask questions. There are so many things I don't understand. Being a mother it hits too close to home. That could have been my baby girl.

Andy was at work when I heard Ava had passed away. I grabbed my babies, left my house a mess and brought them to bed with me. Colt hadn't ever spent the night in my room before so I wasn't sure what I was in for I just knew that I needed to hold him tight and tell him how much I loved him. He saw me crying. He scooted his head over to my pillow and gave me some kisses. We had been praying for Ava every night so we prayed together some more. He finally fell asleep with his feet on his Dad's pillow and his head at the foot of the bed. Molly slept like an angel in her bed next to mine. I watched them sleep and prayed for them.

When my cousin Marie was 2 she was hospitalized. She had gone to the doctors office multiple times that week and was sent home every time. They said she had allergies or a cold, I forget the details. She slowly deteriorated at home for a few days until my Aunt and Uncle had had enough. They knew it was something more. They were watching their baby die. They rushed her to ER and determined Marie had double pneumonia and her left lung had collapsed. She was in intensive care for weeks in an unconscious state. We almost lost her. It was scary.

I remember my Aunt sharing a story with me that happened while she was in the hospital and it has stuck with me forever. She was sitting in the intensive care room, watching Marie sleep, talking to God...having a hard conversation. If I lose her God, will my faith be strong enough to carry me through? During her prayer, Marie's doctor came in to check on her. She walked in the silent room, didn't say anything and before she left said said to my aunt, 'You know, she's not yours'...

It's so true. We're on this earth as a loan to the people that love us. If God wants us back. He can have us. We're not any ones but his.

I have never met Ava or her family. I just know them through some friends. If I've been effected by her life like I have I'm sure there are others out there getting a wake up call. That's my prayer. Choose love. Live with no regrets. Wake up. Quit waiting. Be thankful. Forgive. Life is short. Love your family. Love Jesus more.

pray for Ava

There is a little girl, Ava Hunter who needs your prayer. In the last two months she's gone from a happy seemingly healthy little girl to a brain cancer patient. She's had 3 brain surgeries and the doctors recently told her parents medically there is nothing else they can do. The doctors are giving her a few months to live. You can read Ava's Dad's (Josh) blog here.

I believe that the Jesus we've read about in the bible who performed all those miracles is the same Jesus today. I believe in miracles. I believe they happen. I've seen them happen. Will you please pray that God will kiss Ava's little head and heal her from the inside out? From one mother to another...From one friend to another...please say a prayer right now.

e & a

Our friends Lane and Laurie just recently lived one of the biggest days of their lives. If you've been reading my blog for a while you might have read this.

It was been four long years that Lane and Laurie have been trying for a baby and on August 2nd the Lord answered their prayers. They welcomed not one, but two precious baby boys into the world. Ethan [6lbs, 15oz] and Aidan [6lbs, 5oz] arrived and they are more adorable and perfect than ever imagined.

Laurie took these pix.

I have been in a constant state of praise since they were born. I find myself tearing up just thinking about the miracle they are. The struggle Laurie has had to endure...The close call when they were 20 weeks old and almost entered the world extremely premature...The hard pregnancy...The bed rest...The shots...The negative pregnancy tests. On Tuesday I got to hold this little miracle in my arms.

God is so good.

He loves his people.

That is not up for discussion.

this moment

I'm just sitting here...listening to worship music thinking about my little girl. I want to meet her, I want to kiss her and tell her how much I love her. I want to tell her how much Jesus loves her. I keep rubbing my belly just thinking that I need to remember this moment.

I am so blessed.
I've got my health.
I've got my husband.
I've got my little boy.

And more importantly I've got a God that promises me that the best thing on earth isn't on this earth.

I've got eternal life.

lyds

I had planned on writing this blog in March sometime but when life throws ya a curve ball ya just go with it.

My friend Angela had her little girl, Lydia, via emergency c-section on Monday evening. Lyds came into this world a whopping 10 weeks early. She was 2lbs, 11oz and we're not sure about her length. Ang had some complications due to pre-eclampsia and her doctors knew it was best for Angela's sake to get Lydia out ASAP. Thank goodness she had her check up when she did or things could have taken a even more scary, tragic turn. God's timing is always perfect.

This picture really doesn't do Lyds much justice. She looked super cute here, but she's even more beautiful in person. She was kicking her arms and legs all around yesterday. She even gave me the one-eyed-willie and peeked at me. She's got big eyes and the most adorable 'Ang' nose.

I was lucky to get to visit Ang yesterday. I sat there for a few hours just chatting it up trying to wrap my mind around what she had just gone through. One minute you're feeling fairly normal, enjoying your little one kick you from the inside and the next minute your getting prepped for surgery.

Before I went to the hospital yesterday I printed off a picture of Lydia and put it in frame for Ang so even though she can't be right next to her, at least she can stare at her baby girl whenever she wants. I feel like that would be the hardest part, being so far from your baby, you know that one that was living in you just a few days before.

Angela is recovering well from her surgery. All her vitals are looking good and her spirit has sky rocketed through the roof. I expected to see a quiet, exhausted Angela when I walked in her room yesterday...I walked in and was greeted by her just chatting it up, laughing, still shocked by the string of events but not easily phased. I'm pretty sure she's stronger than I think I would be at this point.

She's got Jesus in her heart.
It's amazing what he'll see you through.

Pray for little Lydia.
She's still got a lot of growing to do.

hunger

The other night I ran to around to the store around dinner time. When I got back Colt played around while Andy and I scarfed down some pizza [remember the ornament diet cokes? yea, that night].

Colt went to bed around 8:30 and woke up at 9:30 crying. Again crying at 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30 and eventually at midnight we realized that in the hurry of our day and lack of communication we BOTH thought the other had fed Colt dinner. When really no one had. He wasn't sick or protesting sleep...he was just hungry.

I got him out of bed, immediately apologizing. I'm so sorry baby. Momma forgot to feed you. I'm so sorry. I felt terrible. We brought him to bed with us and gave him some cheese, a banana, grapes and his favorite, milk. He scarfed it down, which in turn made me feel worse. A few minutes later with a full belly he went straight to bed and slept the whole night through. I couldn't help but think about other babies in this world who go to bed hungry every night. Little boys like my little boy crying themselves to sleep from hunger pains. So many mothers can't walk into a kitchen and choose from a refrigerator full of food. I take stuff like that for granted everyday. I went to bed with a grateful heart and teary eyes for all those hungry babies.

Every five seconds a child dies of starvation.

To help stop world hunger visit FeedTheChildren.

laurie

Laurie is one of my best friends. We became friends through our husbands who just happen to be hot fire fighters. It was sort of like a friendship that just made sense. It helped being able to relate with the fears that come with our husbands professions and the lonely boring nights...[which we sometimes choose to spend together, eating skinny cow ice cream sandwiches and yelling at the Biggest Looser contestants through my T.V. screen]. She typically comes to my house straight from a fitness club where she teaches spinning classes...I usually come from the kitchen where I've just finished dinner :)I remember one day Andy came home from the work a few years ago and share the 'secret news'...Lane and Laurie are trying. A few months later Andy and I were chatting and thought that maybe we should start trying to. Lane and Laurie put the idea in our heads and we felt like the time was right. A month later I was staring a pink plus sign right back in the face. We were pregnant! I was excited and so was Laurie.

Sometime in August while on Facebook I saw something she posted on Lane's wall, it said: 3 years today...love you. We had talked earlier in the day and she told me it was their 3 year Anniversary [if that's what you want to call it] of trying for a baby and having no luck. It was a bitter sweet moment for me. My friend was hitting a milestone she wish she wouldn't have hit and I had just found out I was pregnant with our second child. Apart of me felt a little guilty or sad...not sure which one. I've gotten pregnant twice while Laurie is still trying for her first. It wasn't supposed to happen that way it just did. So, I cried and prayed some more.

Over the years I've never prayed for a friend harder than I've prayed for Laurie. I have never wanted something so bad for a friend, like I want a baby for Laurie. I've talked with her during the sad times when a procedure failed, or the pregnancy test was another negative. I've tried to give her the encouraging words she needed to hear that day and like I said, I've prayed. But really, through all of this, she has inspired me.

She believes that the Lord has a plan for her and their family. She's said before, I don't know how people would go down this road with out having faith. I'm so glad after all this she trusts in God more than ever that in his timing, and his timing alone...she'll have her baby. I feel it coming...I really do!

Just a few days ago I got the low down on their next adventure. In-vitro. I told her she should start a blog. I truly feel that people could either a) draw strength from their story or b) lend her all sorts of advice & encouragement. I know for a FACT that she's not in this journey alone. I've been to many a blogs of woman on the same path. And really, even if you're not on the same path exactly you should still go to her blog and send her some love. She's a doll. Enter HERE. She took her first in-vitro shot tonight. I texted her to see how they went...she replied, the needle was a little dull, but not too bad! Gotta love her! Tower of strength, I'm telling ya!

Anyhow, in writing this I'm realizing the amazing people I have in my life. Laurie being one of them. I'm uplifted and challenged by them on a regular basis. God's put me smack dab in the middle of their lives and I just pray that I can be a blessing to them like they've been to me. I just wanna be a good friend.

life is unpredictable.

This week I've had a few moments where I've been listening to a story or reading a blog and I've just absolutely lost it. All these stories had to do with babies either struggling with an illness or loosing a battle and leaving this world prematurely.

I heard the story of a little boy named Dillion who was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 2. I'm sure his parents never saw it coming. At Colt's age this little boy was perfectly healthy for all they knew. Of course, the entire time I can't help but think of my baby...and how anything could happen. Anything could happen to anyone.

Life is unpredictable.

The truth that I'm clingy to today is that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow.
I want to hug and kiss my baby today.
I want to love with all my heart today.
I want to be the best wife I can be today.
I want to be more like Jesus today.

You only have today once.
Waste not.

good soil

God gave Andy Breden good soil. He didn't just sit there and watch his good soil, he did something with it. He bought seeds, put them in the ground, watered, weeded and harvested. Blood, sweat and tears. We worked in the garden the other night together and it got me thinking. How many times in my life has God given me good soil and instead of doing something with it I just sat there? How many people did he put in my path that I could have loved on but didn't? How many times could I have stood up for something I believed in, but choose not to? At the end of the day I wonder what I would have harvested?

Makes me wonder.

ding...answered!

Guess What?

I have a job.

I'll be watching a little boy. [same age as Colt]
Three days a week.
From 6am-1pm.
In the comfort of my own home.
In my pj's...drinking coffee...watching Pooh Bear.

I was like, "Dear lord...give me a good job"

And he was like, "DING...ANSWERED!"

He loves me.

sunshiney day

Take a look at Friday. Remember what Friday is? Anniversary Party of the Century. NO RAIN! There is a small cloud if you look to the top left of the sunshine clip art...but there is no rain in that cloud. Prayer answered! Check it off the list.

Now, God, if only you can make my 100 pieces of fried chicken multiply like you did the fish/loaves in the bible so everyone can get fed...that would be extra special.

I'm not stressing out or anything...ehhh.
But here's to hoping there is enough food!
haha!

why things happen the way they do.

I'm going to do something rare here and actually talk about something instead of posting pictures. Shocking, I know.

Ya see, in my previous post I was crying over something not really tear worthy. The tears started earlier in the day when I was praying for my Dad...they then trickled down 20 other avenues of my brain causing me to cry over something fantastic like Colt crawling. I'm an idiot.

Things have been hard lately.

I can't stop thinking about the situation my family has been put into. It's not fair. It's not just. Everyday I wonder why things happen the way they do? I'm going to vent. Here I go.

Remember when my Dad hit his head at work and had to have brain surgery? It's a miracle he's alive. We'll always be thankful he's here. He was released from the hospital and was instructed by his neurosurgeon to take a month from work to recover and regain his energy. After that month had passed and Dad was feeling great, his Doctor released him to go back to work on light duty until he got some paperwork back from the State of Indiana Department of Transportation DOT [my dad is a truck driver]. The neurosurgeon said that Dad was released to go back to work with no restrictions pending a DOT approval. While we waited for the official paperwork to come back signed from the DOT Workers Comp paid Dad for his light duty work.

Meanwhile Dad got an infection in his the hole they drilled in his head during surgery and had to be put on antibiotics for two weeks to clear up the infection. Which was order by his neurosurgeon.

We finally received the paper work from the DOT and instead of releasing Dad to drive again they said that due to his head injury they are suspending his Commercial Driving Licence for a year because people who have a brain injury are more likely to have a seizure in the first year after surgery. They will reinstate his licence in March of 2010.

Dad took the paper work with him to work showing his company what the state had said and within a few days they forced him to sign a Leave of Absence for a year and told him the only way he could keep his seniority and his job was to sign the Leave of Absence. Dad was told there was no other option.

That Wednesday Workers Comp stopped paying him because regardless of what the state said about the situation, they were going by what Dad's neurosurgeon said which was that he was released with no restrictions to work therefore he was physically able to do his job and no longer falls under their umbrella of help...BUT...they left out and keep leaving out the part of the document that says PENDING DOT APPROVAL. The DOT did not approve. Therefore they should be paying him for his ON THE JOB INJURY! Why is this so hard?

My dad has been unemployed for 2 weeks now. He went to file unemployment the very next day and frantically got on the phone calling different Law offices trying to find a Lawyer to help him fight this. This is wrong. He got hurt on the job. It wasn't like he just broke his arm either, he almost died. This should be covered! People have been agreeing that this is wrong and that Dad's situation falls into a 'gray area' but no one wants to step up to the plate and fight for it. The 1st lawyer referred Dad to someone else...and then that lawyer referred Dad to a third lawyer. Don't lawyers go to school to defend people and stand up for what is right? Let me tell you...It's not easy to find a lawyer. No one wants to help. Workers comp is ruthless. They don't care what happened to you they just don't want to pay. They think they found a loop hole and they're remaining silent to see if we act on this.

Yesterday I was at my parents house when Dad opened the mail. He got a grin on his face when he saw an envelope from the Indiana Workforce thinking it was his 1st unemployment check that my parents have been waiting for. We read it together. The letter stated that since my Dad signed the Leave of Absence, his company didn't technically fire him or lay him off, therefore he is unable to claim any sort of unemployment. Talk about a blow. His company could have fired him, but he would have claimed unemployment off them. So instead they crossed their fingers and held a carrot out in front of my Dad saying he can come back to his spot on the seniority list and have his job back in a year...Just sign right here Steve. Jerks. I'm skeptical.

How many doors will be shut before help comes along?

This crushes my spirit.

What makes me most angry about this whole situation is that my Dad loved his job. He never missed work or called in sick. He loved to drive. He was a proud employee when he wore his uniform. He's worked for this company for years and has been with the Teamsters Union even longer...and now of all times no one will stand up for him and help him.

This is so wrong.

Dad went to have his infection looked at last week and his neurosurgeon is now releasing a statement that says Dad should be under his care and undergo head therapy. Hopefully that letter will help our case and he'll be able to claim disability since he technically is unable to do the job he was hired to do. We have also approached Indiana's Congressman Joe Donnelly and Senator John Broden explaining the entire situation and asking for any sort of help. They have both gotten back with us right away expressing their concern and reassuring us that they will help where the can. We have gotten more of a response and help from Indiana's elected officials then we have local lawyers who we would have paid. They truly have been our only glimmer of hope in this mess of a situation.

Worse of all this has added stress to my parents marriage. They take it one day at a time. They constantly have to regroup and remember their on the same team. I'm thankful I'm close enough to help them through this.

Their 25th wedding anniversary party is in two weeks and at one point they wanted to cancel it because they're so down and out right now. A party seems so fluffy and not important when there is a crisis at hand. I told them too bad, so sad, I already sent out the invites. I hope they can relax and reflect on the achievement of 25 years together. They vowed for better or worse. They're testing out the worse part right now and on the 26th they'll be renewing that very same vow. It will be special. It will be more significant than it ever has been. I will probably cry.

Life is hard sometimes.

I went to bed at 11:30 tonight. I sobbed in my pillowcase out of pure helplessness. Then I remembered this worship song and sang it to Jesus because I know it's true. I just need reminded. We'll be okay. At least my Dad is here.

Only you have come to find me,
Only you have come to pull me out,
Only you have come to save me,
Only you have come to wrap your arms around me,

No one has ever loved me
like the way you love me
wrap your arms around me

Ok.
I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep.
Not sad tears.
Thankful ones.
We're not alone.

the plan

Our plan to be debt free...

In March of 2008 Andy and I took a Financial Peace University class through our church. Taking that class still stands as one of the best things we've done in our marriage. Dave Ramsey is the mastermind behind the class and the entire thinking of the program. He is a financial guru and through out our quest to be debt free he has been the voice in the back of our heads encouraging us along the way. I'm such a fan of Dave I feel as if he should be paying me. I tell everyone and anyone about our debt journey. Since taking the class I've set multiple family members up on a budget and I recently had two more people ask for our help to get them set up on a budget. I never thought I would be such a nerd about it all. I'm a fan of budgeting. I love seeing large chunks of our monthly payments go down. I know one day I'll love to see our wealth build. Budgeting is my crack, and I'm an addict.

When Andy and I were engaged we both worked and still lived with our parents. We decided it would be smart to save as much as we could before we got married. We started to tap into the saving side of ourselves. Little did we know then what we were truly capable of. We saved $11,000 in those 9 months before our wedding. In September of 2006, we purchased our 1st home. We didn't get married until January of 2007, so we used those 4 months to remodel our house and get it tweaked out before we actually moved in. That's when the projects began.

Did you guys know it's really freaking expensive to re-model a house? We knew it would be expensive but didn't realize how quickly it would add up. Before we knew it our savings was totally gone and our American Express and our Menards card was taking care of the rest. I don't remember how much we put on those two cards trying to finish up the remodeling...my guess is probably just shy of $10,000. Way to start off your marriage right? We both were working full time and we weren't stupid enough to keep spending [thank goodness], so we started to pay off our debt on our own...with out a real plan. We would send big chunks of money off to pay down the credit card and slowly the debt started to go away...until Fall of 07'. Our furnace died. Add another $5,600 to the total. We also got in a not-so-funny car situation and ended up having three car payment at once. Before you knew it we were enrolled in that class and started to learn how to managed our money...instead of our money managing us.

Remember when I talked about my relationship with Target? It's a love hate thing. I avoid going to Target at any and all costs because of little something I like to call, Temptation. It deserves to be capitalized. Target has a way of making you buy things you don't need. Many people now days struggle with this concept. I know I definitely have...What do I want vs. What do I need? It's hard to learn and even harder to follow through with.

Andy and I have been on a strict budget since March of 08. Our goal is to be debt free [with the exception of our house] by spring time next year. If we stick to the plan and follow through we will have paid of $31, 375 dollars in debt in two years. Debt free at the ages of 24 and 26 sounds pretty good to me. In that $30, 000 we will have paid off a Jeep, a Ford, a Honda and a furnace. So far we've knocked them all out but my Honda. In order to meet our goal of debt free by next spring we need to put an extra $833 dollar onto the principal of our car payment. That is a lot of extra money each month. Especially with living on a fire fighters income.

In order to bring that money in we've had to live with less, and work extra jobs. Andy works at the station but is also being paid to become a paramedic by the city. All the money he makes by going to school goes towards our budget. He also owns Andy's Lawn Care, a lawn mowing company. All that money goes towards our budget. He also gives plasma. All that money? Budget. I cook a few meals each week for my parents...all that money? Budget. I help make jewelry for Suellen Miller Designs. All that money? Budget. Andy asked for money for his birthday...all that money? Budget. Every single extra penny we bring each month goes to the budget. We're pretty black and white about it.

It definitely hasn't been an easy journey. There have been many times over the last year I just wanted to go to the store...see something I wanted...and buy it. Just because. I truly have had to rely on the Lord and ask for strength to keep doing the right thing. We're only half way through this journey and you'd think it would be easier to not be tempted. In some ways it is, but in others it's been really hard for us. Me especially.

Some of our best friends just got married in Florida. Rob married Kristy in March and Aaron married Tracy just a few weeks ago. You don't know who badly I wanted to open up a credit card, say screw it and go to Florida for the weekend. Around that same time all my aunts and uncles went to Florida for spring break with my cousins. Every day of that entire week I had to pray about it because I was so bitter and jealous. We work hard. We never see each other because Andy is doing everything in his power to bring in enough money so we can get this over with as soon as possible. I'm often lonely playing the single mom role. We deserve a break. We deserve a vacation. It's hard to do the right thing when you see everyone else having fun.

Around that time I ran across some sort of ancient proverb...I'm not exactly sure where I heard it but it helped me get back on focus...it's this, Adults devise a plan and see it through. Children do what feels good. Do I really want to just do what feels good? Or do I want to be responsible with the money God's given Andy and I? It's a choice everyday. I definitely have had my fair share of tears over it. Being responsible isn't always fun but I hope this time next year we can finally exhale knowing that we're debt free in our mid twenties. What an accomplishment that will be. I'm proud of us already because I know we'll get there. We're close. We can taste it.

Andy and I talk about going on a vacation all the time. After reviewing our budget the other day Andy leaned over to me and said, Just imagine...One day we'll be sitting on the beach...listening to the waves...basking in the sun...with no worries in the world. I agreed with him and made him swear that he was talking about a warm tropical setting and not just Lake Michigan. If he takes me to the dunes for our "we're debt free" get away there will be some major butt kicking to do.

I know times are hard for people right now and what a better time to be faithful with your money. Bite the bullet and get aggresive with it. You can do it. And remember...The most enjoyable experiences in life are free. At least that's what my Dove chocolate wrapper told me yesterday.

i won't take it for granted

Sunday before lunch our whole family bowed our heads to pray together and I heard my fathers voice. I heard my Dad say the blessing, which he does every Holiday, but I also heard my Heavenly Fathers voice. As I listened to Dad pray God reminded me of the gift he gave my family 43 days ago. Dad was in the ICU recovering from brain surgery. It was a totally unexpected life threatening event. People say that we don't see miracles like we do back in the bible days...but God gave us a miracle that day. My Dad shouldn't be here. If he would have followed doctors orders he would not be here. His life was saved that day. My family witnessed a miracle.

As I closed my eyes to pray I thanked God that I got to hear my Daddy's voice say the blessing. We could have had a very very different Easter. Someone else would have said the blessing...and I'm sure we would have praying for God's strength to continue on without my Dad. We didn't have to pray that prayer.

I don't want to forget about what God has done for us. I don't want to forget about the gift of Jesus and the fact that even now days God shows himself to his people. I don't want to stop talking about it. I am so thankful and I promise you Lord I wont take it for granted.

Life is so sweet.

check it out

While watching the nightly news with Brian Williams they did a story on a food drive that my church helped out with. Made me proud. It's great being apart of a church that loves boldly. It was way cool to see Mark's (our pastors) interview on national television. We grew up with his kids and he is like a 2nd Dad to us. He married Andy and I and has been instrumental in our walk with Christ.
Anyhow.
I like good news!
Check it out.

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thank you Jesus

I never would have thought shortly after I posted yesterdays blog my mom would call me with the news I heard. It changed me.

Four weeks ago my Dad slipped and fell at work trying to move pallet. He went to the ER and had a cat scan to reveal a mild concussion. He was released to go back to work the very next day.

Last Monday he went to the doctor complaining about a severe head ache. They said it was a side effect from the concussion and only time would take the head ache away. All day Saturday and Sunday he slept and held his head complaining about pressure. His pain tolerance is unbelievable so it's hard to tell if he's actually in pain or not. He was acting funny and not making much sense all the time, but my Dad goofs around all the time...you can't always take him seriously.

Then this morning when the alarm went off [which he set himself] he asked why my brother was going to church so early in the morning. My mom told him it was Monday. He didn't know. He couldn't remember what he did on Sunday. He doesn't remember talking to the doctor on the phone. He couldn't remember anything he had done all day. Mom got him in the car and took him straight to the E.R. By the time he was at the hospital he couldn't even recall his address.

He ended up having two emergency surgeries today. One was to put a screen in one of his veins to capture blood clots from traveling from his body to his lungs. His other, only a few short hours later was brain surgery. They drilled holes in his skull in hope to drain a 12" long x 1" deep hematoma on the right side of his brain. The hematoma had grown so large it pushed his brain an inch off center causing the pressure and his brain to swell.

He is being monitored at the ICU at Memorial for the next 3-4 days. He'll then be transferred for another few days in a different ward and undergo physical therapy to make sure he gets all his motor skills back. The neurosurgeon says he'll be off work for at least a month but depending on how the next few days go in the ICU, he should fully recover.

Thank you to all my friends out there who have been praying for us.

My Dad was at such peace. Before he was wheeled back for the surgery he looked at my mom, Spencer and I and said ...I know and love Jesus Christ. If anything happens in there...just know that I'm in better hands. I'm not afraid of dying because I know where I'm going if I do.

Mom told him if he gets to the point during surgery and he has the choice of coming back to us...or going...he should choose to come back. Because we need him and there are more grandchildren that want to meet him one day...but if it's to the point where he needs to go...we would understand and he should go.

Mom and Spencer were being strong. Tears were pouring down my face. That is a conversation you imagine having with your father when he is 95 years old and on his death bed...but not now...not like this.

Dad's surgery was a success. There was a 50/50 chance that drilling the holes wouldn't be enough. If that were the case they would have had to cut a piece of his skull out and remove the hematoma and let the brain expand that way. Luckily that wasn't the case and he's being monitored but I think hopefully most of the blood will be able to be drained out.

My Dad is amazing. He is like a father to others. He loves everyone. He is jolly. He is hilarious. He resembles Jesus. He would die for me. He would give his last breath for my child. He is selfless. He is Third Days biggest fan. He cares for the less fortunate. He is an example of hard work. He is giving. He has a joyful spirit. He has a sense of humor that won't die. He loves his wife. He loves his church. He is the one and only.

This picture of Colt and my dad was burned in my thoughts and prayers this afternoon. It was all I could think about. One day I pray my son will cherish this picture of him and his grandpa as much as I do.

Please continue to pray for these next days in the ICU. Please pray the blood will be thin enough to drain completely and no further operations will need to take place. Pray that the source of the bleeding [which is unknown] has clotted up and isn't continuing to bleed. Pray for my mom and my little brother.

God knew on the day my dad was born that we would be here today. He knew that he would be scared and that we would be fully relying on our faith. He knew that within hours, people from New Jersey to Florida...from Wisconsin to Kansas would be in prayer for my Dad.

Thank you Jesus.