go poop your guts out

Remember a few blogs back when I said I'd rather have a colonoscopy than take Colt to a public place? Well, I lied.

Today is what were referring to in the Breden household as, Cononoscopy Prep Day aka. Eat Disgusting Chicken Broth All Day Then Go Poop Your Guys Out.

At the beginning of summer I started to have really bad stomach aches. As of this last month they're happening multiple days a week, sometimes multiple days in a row and these bad 'spells' as I like to call them, can last up the 6 hours...two hours at the least. Pretty much...really, really bad pain and the occasional bad spell of diarrhea on the side. Would you like fries with that? No thank you, it would probably give me more diarrhea.

Anyhow, I had an ultrasound this morning to see if it was my gallbladder and my colonoscopy is tomorrow. I'm really hoping we can figure something out soon. There have been a few nights where I'm in bed curled up in a ball just crying because there isn't anything you can do to relieve the pain. I thought once about going to the ER but I prayed through it and the pain slowly started to go away. When I have these stomach aches I'm short with people, I don't want to hold my babies, I feel like I want to throw up. I'm just a mess.

Last night I was up until 2am in pain. I finished off a bottle of pepto [its soothes but doesn't fix] and stayed close to the potty. I'm pretty sure there is nothing in me so I see no point in drinking this disgusting colonoscopy prep juice. I read in the directions last night that you might have to use vasaline to help soothe your butt! Excuse me, Molly? Mommy needs to borrow your A&D ointment. DRAGGING MY FEET! I am, however, excited to get sedated :) I haven't taken a good nap in a while.

So...I'm praying for myself if ya wanna pray for me too.
I wanna feel better and quick!
Off to eat some more jello...

pray for Ava

There is a little girl, Ava Hunter who needs your prayer. In the last two months she's gone from a happy seemingly healthy little girl to a brain cancer patient. She's had 3 brain surgeries and the doctors recently told her parents medically there is nothing else they can do. The doctors are giving her a few months to live. You can read Ava's Dad's (Josh) blog here.

I believe that the Jesus we've read about in the bible who performed all those miracles is the same Jesus today. I believe in miracles. I believe they happen. I've seen them happen. Will you please pray that God will kiss Ava's little head and heal her from the inside out? From one mother to another...From one friend to another...please say a prayer right now.

lyds

I had planned on writing this blog in March sometime but when life throws ya a curve ball ya just go with it.

My friend Angela had her little girl, Lydia, via emergency c-section on Monday evening. Lyds came into this world a whopping 10 weeks early. She was 2lbs, 11oz and we're not sure about her length. Ang had some complications due to pre-eclampsia and her doctors knew it was best for Angela's sake to get Lydia out ASAP. Thank goodness she had her check up when she did or things could have taken a even more scary, tragic turn. God's timing is always perfect.

This picture really doesn't do Lyds much justice. She looked super cute here, but she's even more beautiful in person. She was kicking her arms and legs all around yesterday. She even gave me the one-eyed-willie and peeked at me. She's got big eyes and the most adorable 'Ang' nose.

I was lucky to get to visit Ang yesterday. I sat there for a few hours just chatting it up trying to wrap my mind around what she had just gone through. One minute you're feeling fairly normal, enjoying your little one kick you from the inside and the next minute your getting prepped for surgery.

Before I went to the hospital yesterday I printed off a picture of Lydia and put it in frame for Ang so even though she can't be right next to her, at least she can stare at her baby girl whenever she wants. I feel like that would be the hardest part, being so far from your baby, you know that one that was living in you just a few days before.

Angela is recovering well from her surgery. All her vitals are looking good and her spirit has sky rocketed through the roof. I expected to see a quiet, exhausted Angela when I walked in her room yesterday...I walked in and was greeted by her just chatting it up, laughing, still shocked by the string of events but not easily phased. I'm pretty sure she's stronger than I think I would be at this point.

She's got Jesus in her heart.
It's amazing what he'll see you through.

Pray for little Lydia.
She's still got a lot of growing to do.

why things happen the way they do.

I'm going to do something rare here and actually talk about something instead of posting pictures. Shocking, I know.

Ya see, in my previous post I was crying over something not really tear worthy. The tears started earlier in the day when I was praying for my Dad...they then trickled down 20 other avenues of my brain causing me to cry over something fantastic like Colt crawling. I'm an idiot.

Things have been hard lately.

I can't stop thinking about the situation my family has been put into. It's not fair. It's not just. Everyday I wonder why things happen the way they do? I'm going to vent. Here I go.

Remember when my Dad hit his head at work and had to have brain surgery? It's a miracle he's alive. We'll always be thankful he's here. He was released from the hospital and was instructed by his neurosurgeon to take a month from work to recover and regain his energy. After that month had passed and Dad was feeling great, his Doctor released him to go back to work on light duty until he got some paperwork back from the State of Indiana Department of Transportation DOT [my dad is a truck driver]. The neurosurgeon said that Dad was released to go back to work with no restrictions pending a DOT approval. While we waited for the official paperwork to come back signed from the DOT Workers Comp paid Dad for his light duty work.

Meanwhile Dad got an infection in his the hole they drilled in his head during surgery and had to be put on antibiotics for two weeks to clear up the infection. Which was order by his neurosurgeon.

We finally received the paper work from the DOT and instead of releasing Dad to drive again they said that due to his head injury they are suspending his Commercial Driving Licence for a year because people who have a brain injury are more likely to have a seizure in the first year after surgery. They will reinstate his licence in March of 2010.

Dad took the paper work with him to work showing his company what the state had said and within a few days they forced him to sign a Leave of Absence for a year and told him the only way he could keep his seniority and his job was to sign the Leave of Absence. Dad was told there was no other option.

That Wednesday Workers Comp stopped paying him because regardless of what the state said about the situation, they were going by what Dad's neurosurgeon said which was that he was released with no restrictions to work therefore he was physically able to do his job and no longer falls under their umbrella of help...BUT...they left out and keep leaving out the part of the document that says PENDING DOT APPROVAL. The DOT did not approve. Therefore they should be paying him for his ON THE JOB INJURY! Why is this so hard?

My dad has been unemployed for 2 weeks now. He went to file unemployment the very next day and frantically got on the phone calling different Law offices trying to find a Lawyer to help him fight this. This is wrong. He got hurt on the job. It wasn't like he just broke his arm either, he almost died. This should be covered! People have been agreeing that this is wrong and that Dad's situation falls into a 'gray area' but no one wants to step up to the plate and fight for it. The 1st lawyer referred Dad to someone else...and then that lawyer referred Dad to a third lawyer. Don't lawyers go to school to defend people and stand up for what is right? Let me tell you...It's not easy to find a lawyer. No one wants to help. Workers comp is ruthless. They don't care what happened to you they just don't want to pay. They think they found a loop hole and they're remaining silent to see if we act on this.

Yesterday I was at my parents house when Dad opened the mail. He got a grin on his face when he saw an envelope from the Indiana Workforce thinking it was his 1st unemployment check that my parents have been waiting for. We read it together. The letter stated that since my Dad signed the Leave of Absence, his company didn't technically fire him or lay him off, therefore he is unable to claim any sort of unemployment. Talk about a blow. His company could have fired him, but he would have claimed unemployment off them. So instead they crossed their fingers and held a carrot out in front of my Dad saying he can come back to his spot on the seniority list and have his job back in a year...Just sign right here Steve. Jerks. I'm skeptical.

How many doors will be shut before help comes along?

This crushes my spirit.

What makes me most angry about this whole situation is that my Dad loved his job. He never missed work or called in sick. He loved to drive. He was a proud employee when he wore his uniform. He's worked for this company for years and has been with the Teamsters Union even longer...and now of all times no one will stand up for him and help him.

This is so wrong.

Dad went to have his infection looked at last week and his neurosurgeon is now releasing a statement that says Dad should be under his care and undergo head therapy. Hopefully that letter will help our case and he'll be able to claim disability since he technically is unable to do the job he was hired to do. We have also approached Indiana's Congressman Joe Donnelly and Senator John Broden explaining the entire situation and asking for any sort of help. They have both gotten back with us right away expressing their concern and reassuring us that they will help where the can. We have gotten more of a response and help from Indiana's elected officials then we have local lawyers who we would have paid. They truly have been our only glimmer of hope in this mess of a situation.

Worse of all this has added stress to my parents marriage. They take it one day at a time. They constantly have to regroup and remember their on the same team. I'm thankful I'm close enough to help them through this.

Their 25th wedding anniversary party is in two weeks and at one point they wanted to cancel it because they're so down and out right now. A party seems so fluffy and not important when there is a crisis at hand. I told them too bad, so sad, I already sent out the invites. I hope they can relax and reflect on the achievement of 25 years together. They vowed for better or worse. They're testing out the worse part right now and on the 26th they'll be renewing that very same vow. It will be special. It will be more significant than it ever has been. I will probably cry.

Life is hard sometimes.

I went to bed at 11:30 tonight. I sobbed in my pillowcase out of pure helplessness. Then I remembered this worship song and sang it to Jesus because I know it's true. I just need reminded. We'll be okay. At least my Dad is here.

Only you have come to find me,
Only you have come to pull me out,
Only you have come to save me,
Only you have come to wrap your arms around me,

No one has ever loved me
like the way you love me
wrap your arms around me

Ok.
I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep.
Not sad tears.
Thankful ones.
We're not alone.

thank you Jesus

I never would have thought shortly after I posted yesterdays blog my mom would call me with the news I heard. It changed me.

Four weeks ago my Dad slipped and fell at work trying to move pallet. He went to the ER and had a cat scan to reveal a mild concussion. He was released to go back to work the very next day.

Last Monday he went to the doctor complaining about a severe head ache. They said it was a side effect from the concussion and only time would take the head ache away. All day Saturday and Sunday he slept and held his head complaining about pressure. His pain tolerance is unbelievable so it's hard to tell if he's actually in pain or not. He was acting funny and not making much sense all the time, but my Dad goofs around all the time...you can't always take him seriously.

Then this morning when the alarm went off [which he set himself] he asked why my brother was going to church so early in the morning. My mom told him it was Monday. He didn't know. He couldn't remember what he did on Sunday. He doesn't remember talking to the doctor on the phone. He couldn't remember anything he had done all day. Mom got him in the car and took him straight to the E.R. By the time he was at the hospital he couldn't even recall his address.

He ended up having two emergency surgeries today. One was to put a screen in one of his veins to capture blood clots from traveling from his body to his lungs. His other, only a few short hours later was brain surgery. They drilled holes in his skull in hope to drain a 12" long x 1" deep hematoma on the right side of his brain. The hematoma had grown so large it pushed his brain an inch off center causing the pressure and his brain to swell.

He is being monitored at the ICU at Memorial for the next 3-4 days. He'll then be transferred for another few days in a different ward and undergo physical therapy to make sure he gets all his motor skills back. The neurosurgeon says he'll be off work for at least a month but depending on how the next few days go in the ICU, he should fully recover.

Thank you to all my friends out there who have been praying for us.

My Dad was at such peace. Before he was wheeled back for the surgery he looked at my mom, Spencer and I and said ...I know and love Jesus Christ. If anything happens in there...just know that I'm in better hands. I'm not afraid of dying because I know where I'm going if I do.

Mom told him if he gets to the point during surgery and he has the choice of coming back to us...or going...he should choose to come back. Because we need him and there are more grandchildren that want to meet him one day...but if it's to the point where he needs to go...we would understand and he should go.

Mom and Spencer were being strong. Tears were pouring down my face. That is a conversation you imagine having with your father when he is 95 years old and on his death bed...but not now...not like this.

Dad's surgery was a success. There was a 50/50 chance that drilling the holes wouldn't be enough. If that were the case they would have had to cut a piece of his skull out and remove the hematoma and let the brain expand that way. Luckily that wasn't the case and he's being monitored but I think hopefully most of the blood will be able to be drained out.

My Dad is amazing. He is like a father to others. He loves everyone. He is jolly. He is hilarious. He resembles Jesus. He would die for me. He would give his last breath for my child. He is selfless. He is Third Days biggest fan. He cares for the less fortunate. He is an example of hard work. He is giving. He has a joyful spirit. He has a sense of humor that won't die. He loves his wife. He loves his church. He is the one and only.

This picture of Colt and my dad was burned in my thoughts and prayers this afternoon. It was all I could think about. One day I pray my son will cherish this picture of him and his grandpa as much as I do.

Please continue to pray for these next days in the ICU. Please pray the blood will be thin enough to drain completely and no further operations will need to take place. Pray that the source of the bleeding [which is unknown] has clotted up and isn't continuing to bleed. Pray for my mom and my little brother.

God knew on the day my dad was born that we would be here today. He knew that he would be scared and that we would be fully relying on our faith. He knew that within hours, people from New Jersey to Florida...from Wisconsin to Kansas would be in prayer for my Dad.

Thank you Jesus.